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Global Markets

The Mayans Were Only Off by Ten Days
Advisors Capital Management
By Charles Lieberman
December 24, 2012

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At midnight on December 31, the world will go over the end of the cliff, destroying global economies and plunging the world into darkness. So, the end of the world really is close at hand and the Mayans were merely off by 10 days. This catastrophe caused by the dark angels named Obama and Boehner, who lead their marauding, blood-sucking hordes of chaos, MBSHC, otherwise known as Congress.

Legend indicates that God protects women, drunks, and the United States of America. But the vast power of Obama and Boehner, reinforced by the hordes known as Congress, are unstoppable forces for evil. So God is currently hiding out in a safe location, reportedly Las Vegas. The dark angels, Obama and Boehner, whatever their actual thoughts and desires, may not even control the legions of MBSHC. It may be the extremist within MBSHC that is in charge, which may make going over the cliff inevitable.

All of this was, of course, foretold by the Mayans, whose calendar was merely off by 10 days, which is very impressive for a civilization that self destructed more than one thousand years ago and reveled in drinking the blood of its victims. They would have fit right in with MBSHC or Congress today. Politics has been recognized as a blood sport for as long as Washington has been around, going all the way back to the founding of the republic.

Congress is now on leave for Christmas. But, the MBSHC will return shortly to fulfill the Mayan forecast, which will be dutifully reported by the media and celebrated by alarmists everywhere. There are rumors of a celebratory party to be held New Year’s Eve in Times Square hosted by Nouriel Roubini, Meredith Whitney, and David Rosenberg. (Unfortunately, the Mayan calendar does not explain the relationship between the falling crystal ball at midnight in Times Square and the fall off the cliff. We leave that to alarmist scholars, who are very good at making up such stuff.)

Being a non-believer, I am planning to crawl into bed back home sometime early on January 1 after returning from a more traditional New Year’s Eve party at the home of some friends with a whole bunch of non-believer friends. Despite the MBSHC, I expect the United States of America to survive, even after the MBSHC has taken its pound of flesh. (I need to lose a few pounds anyway.) As for the markets, after the politicians manage to find the basis for some sort of deal, which may take a while, I think 2013 will be even better than 2012, which was a pretty good year.


(c) Advisors Capital Management



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