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Men and women connect differently. Male relationships tend to be task-focused and independent, whereas women are relationship-focused and cooperative. For advisors seeking to build rapport with female clients, it’s vital to understand their approach, and conduct yourself appropriately to win their trust.
Men tend to connect around activities or events, where communicating to create personal bonds is usually not the focus. When men do communicate, with some exceptions, the interaction tends to be more competitive than cooperative. Friendly verbal sparring is the norm; even the best of friends will enjoy exchanging taunts.
Women more often connect by talking and sharing personal stories. As they interact, women work to stay on equal footing with others, often downplaying their own accomplishments in order to make other women feel more comfortable. Just listen to women give each other compliments. A women who receives a compliment may lower her own status with a self-deprecating, “It was nothing!”or raise the other woman's by paying her a compliment in return.
Remember these social scenarios when you work with women. Most men work competitively. They tend to naturally form a hierarchy. Someone is the alpha male, and every other man has to find his place in a vertical order. They intuitively compete for a higher level as they interact with one another. This is all natural and expected. No one talks about it; it just happens.
You can think of men in a social situation forming a totem pole; reaching the top of the totem pole is every man’s goal.
Conversely, women prefer a horizontal and circular world, with everyone on the same level. A round conference table embodies women’s cooperative, equality-focused values.
Neither the typically masculine, competitive approach nor the typically feminine, cooperative alternative is better or worse; each is just different. And, of course, not every man or woman fits the general tendency. There are men who are highly cooperative and relationship-focused and women who are not.
Becoming more aware of these general patterns can give you insight into your own natural style and the styles of those around you. Take note of how the men and women in your environment relate. Notice your own approach and become more adaptable to the perspectives around you.
If you find that your women clients have a cooperative style, it’s important for you to try to mirror it, even if doing so may not come naturally.
If you are used to managing clients and controlling the sales/service process, such that your client interactions follow a set script, then adapting to individual styles of interaction may be challenging at first. If you tend to adapt yourself to your client’s interests and personalize your approach to each person already, the shift will be easier. In any case, the first step should always be to examine your main goal as you interact with each potential client.
